Have Fun Finding the Perfect Baby Name: Part One - Working As a Team
Deciding on a baby name is stressful for many couples, even when they are largely aligned on name choices. After all, this is something that they and their child will live with for the
rest of their lives. And for those couples who struggle to agree on names, it is all the more stressful. If one partner isn't thrilled with their choice for the new family car, it is something
they will have to live with for maybe five years, give or take. But, if that partner isn't happy with the name they choose for their baby, s/he will be reminded of it every day for decades,
often when they are repeating it dozens of time a day. That is a definite incentive to find a name that both partners are satisfied with!
Names That Stick® Baby Name Magnets recently completed an informal survey of parents regarding their name selection experiences, and most (52%) reported that it was "somewhat difficult"
to find a name for their babies. More than 60% of respondents said that it took at least 10 hours to select a name for their babies.
There are, however, ways for couples to work with (vs. against!) each other to choose a baby name. One question in our survey was how couples resolved any sticking points with their
partners regarding their name selection. The most popular response was that "each eliminated names we didn't like, and worked with what was left." The next most popular solution was
"we kept searching together until we found something we both liked." I group these together as "cooperative" solutions, which are contrasted with "contrary" solutions. Contrary solutions
included having one partner "give in," taking turns with naming responsibilities for successive children, or divvying up responsibilities for first vs. middle names. Contrary solutions were
not popular with our respondents, representing only 13% of responses.
Throughout the process, couples should try to be open-minded about names they might not have considered. Before reacting negatively to any idea, take the time to think about it,
speak it aloud, and/or picture it on a backpack or business card. Also, while it is fine to dislike a name option, it is not helpful to criticize each other's selections. Partners can be
honest about why they don't like a name, but in a factual and objective way (vs. a critical and emotional one). So rather than saying, "That sounds like a wimpy name" in response
to a suggestion of a unisex name for their unborn son, the partner can say, "I prefer more traditional, clearly masculine names."
There are many approaches that couples can take to reduce the tension surrounding their naming decision. Here are just a few that are worth trying:
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Before getting into specific name possibilities, talk in general about the type of name you would like. This might include a discussion of popular vs. not popular names; clearly
feminine or masculine vs. unisex names; the sound of a name (same first letter as their last name, short vs. long names, etc.); using family names, and/or religious considerations.
If a couple can create a structure within which their name selection will take place, it can help to create a framework for success.
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Have each partner separately create a list of a certain number of names (say, at least 10-20) for a defined period of time, during which they don't discuss names. Then, they
come together and compare lists. Ideally, there would be some overlap. If not, however, the couple could learn about each others' name preferences by reviewing the lists and
explaining why each name is on it.
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Each partner can generate a list of names they truly couldn't live with right away, which may help them to avoid bumping into those names over and over again throughout their
naming process.
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Take turns eliminating names. Each partner can create a list as long as they like of names, then they each take turns crossing one off. (With Names That Stick® Baby Name
Magnets, couples can do this easily with the name magnets, either on a refrigerator or whiteboard, or in the magnetic tin. Each makes a "list" or their choices with the magnets,
then take turns removing their next-least-favorite name magnet, until they arrive at the "short list" of names that they may want to consider for a while.)
It is important for each partner to work hard not to get stuck on just one name (unless your partner also loves it of course). If a partner is focused on a single name, they spend
their energy trying to convince their partner to accept their selection, rather than participating in a cooperative, open discussion that respects their partner's preferences. There
are many, many names to choose from, so it is most likely that there are other names that they could also be happy with, and which their partner might prefer. If they are willing
to consider other names and "live" with them for some time (on a list, calling the baby it), the names might grow on them.
Couples should also remember that choosing a name is one of the first of many, many parenting decisions they will have to make with their partner, so they have an incentive to
create a positive experience together!
We created Names That Stick® Baby Name Magnets to provide couples with a fun, interactive and convenient way to search for their baby name, which can hopefully reduce
some of the tension associated with choosing a name. 500 popular names (250 each for boys and girls) are printed on individual magnets that can be shifted around to maintain
an up-to-date list of top choices, to track each partner's personal favorites, or to create different name combinations. There is an endless variety of ways that couples can use the
magnets to work together, productively, to find a name they will both be happy with for years to come.
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